Resting B!tch Face

(Warning: Explicit Content)

Resting+B%21tch+Face

Could you have one of the worst social disorders among society?

About the Author:

Takiyah Douglas (Creative Writing, Class of 2018) hopes to turn her love of writing into a career one day. Her best friend is food and her favorite opera is Trapped in the Closet.  She can be found locked her in room creating play scripts, short stories and, very rarely, poems.

Warning:  This piece contains explicit content (swearing) and may not be suitable for all audiences.

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Resting Bitch Face

by Takiyah Douglas

 
 
I’m here to talk to you today about a common problem we face everyday in our society. It’s an issue that affects millions of men and women around the world. It’s been known to create many misunderstandings and possibly leave you forever alone: the resting bitch face. What is resting bitch face you ask? It’s an expression on a person’s face that makes it difficult for people to tell whether or not you’re mad… or just plain constipated.

Here are some of the symptoms:

Someone Asking You What’s Wrong:

Let’s say you’re having a good day. The sun is shining, it’s a balmy 75 degrees, and your direct deposit just went through. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. It’s a perfect damn day, but suddenly you’re stopped by someone (who probably doesn’t even know you) and they ask, “What’s wrong?” At this point you’re confused as fuck, because you thought you were walking with a smile on your face and happiness beaming from every pore in your body, but apparently, this person thinks you’re miserable. They even might think your life is in turmoil and that somehow you have a baby at home you can’t take care of (true story).

You Basically Have No Friends:

Now this is a tricky one. There are many reasons why a person doesn’t have friends and those can range from being a complete weirdo to having zero social skills to just being annoying — the list is endless. But if you try to invite someone out for a night of fun and they’re not down with chugging a bunch of (FREE) mojitos, best believe, it’s your awkward, resting bitch face. You just can’t be an efficient wingman/woman with that look.

That One Old Man Who Tells You To Smile:

Imagine this: you’re in line, maybe trying to take advantage of Popeye’s five dollar Bonafide Big Box, and some old dude is next to you. He looks over while you’re thinking if you should get the mashed potatoes or the fries, and says, “You should smile.” At this point, you end up stupidly choosing the fries because the old man’s comment caused you to be distracted and the damage is done. Your mind starts racing and you have a little movie in your mind where you would tell that old man exactly what you think about his suggestion: “Why should I smile? Do you expect me to smile every waking moment of my life, even when I’m on the toilet? What are you, the smile police?” Instead you just chuckle awkwardly and choose not to speak because your mom would throw a sandle at your head for disrespecting your elders.

Everyone Thinks You’re Stuck Up:

Be it your mom, aunt, grandma, the cat (ironically), EVERYONE thinks you’re stuck up. You could be in your room playing video games and your mom says, “Come out and spend time with your family,” but you’re at that age where that’s boring and you reply with a “No.” This results in, first, your mom telling you she brought you into this world and can take you out, and then calling you stuck up.

No One Sits Next To You On The Bus:

The bus scenario might just be the worst and if this has ever happened to you, you have a disease and it’s called resting bitch face. You’re riding the city bus and 2 PM starts creeping about. That’s when all those annoying high schoolers are getting out, so the bus is bound to get crowded. Now, if no one is sitting next to you, it may seem like a blessing. Trust me, it’s not though. There’s a problem when people are choosing to stand up on the bus packed like a can of sardines. There’s an issue when a person would rather stay glued to the door then take the empty seat next to you. There’s a CRISIS when a human being decides to sit next to the creepy old man instead of you.

In Conclusion:

If you have experienced a few of these symptoms, there’s hope with a little therapy. Getting a significant other or indulging in your favorite pastime could put a smile right on your face. If you have experienced all of these, there’s no hope for you and your resting bitch face. Good luck.

 

Copyright © Takiyah Douglas (2016) All Rights Reserved.