A Nonfiction story starring four lonely horses, two farmers, and a “loud exhaust” ticket… Sign. Me. Up!!!!!!!

About the Artist:  Torrey Kurtzner (Undeclared, Class of 2018) writes mostly satirical humor pieces, inspired throughout his life by television shows like The Simpsons, Seinfeld and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  In the future he would love to write comedic screenplays for movies, sketches or television shows.  One of his biggest dreams is to both write and adapt a sketch for Saturday Night Live (SNL).

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Four Lonely Horses

By Torrey Kurtzner

These four horses look lonely.

I tell this to my coworker. He counters my opinion by saying the horses can’t be lonely, for they have each other. Touché. However, these four horses have recently been separated from their babies. Most of them were together for three to four months. Surely they must miss their babies, hence, why they appear lonely. My coworker tells me that horses tend to forget things quickly. He says that while the mothers were at first enraged by the fact that they had been separated from their babies, they quickly forgot about the bond they had once shared only after a few days had passed.

Forgotten completely? They don’t look like they’ve forgotten.

I see them pace the fence line as we leave the area to cross the street. How could it be that easy for all four mothers to have forgotten that they once had babies by their sides?

I’d like to think that they still remember. Maybe they’ve come to terms with the fact that they won’t see them anymore, but they must still remember their existence. They must think about them every day. They must wonder about their safety and wellbeing. They must realize that they’re still on the other side of the road, and that we’re taking good care of them.

I tell this to my coworker, but he just laughs. He tells me that if we were to walk their babies over to them today, and let them re-enter their paddock, they wouldn’t recognize them. He says that if anything, they’d probably attack them in fear of not knowing who they are.

He concludes by saying that as much as he loves working with horses, he has come to the realization that they aren’t very intelligent… at all. I let this sit in my head. Four mothers, who at one point would do anything to protect their babies, get separated for only four days, and in those four days, they forget about their babies’ lives completely? What a bogus concept.

As I leave work that day, I recall the ticket I received a week prior from a cop in regards to my car’s muffler being too loud. The cop said I had only four days to repair the muffler, or else I would be fined a hefty fee. The cop said he wouldn’t forget about the deadline, either.

I take one last look at the paddock with the four horses who were once mothers. I come to the conclusion that horses would make awesome cops.

Copyright © Torrey Kurtzner 2016.  All Rights Reserved.